“Self esteem doesn’t come to you…you go to it.”
What is personal self esteem? How can I maintain it, and sustain it within myself? Where does self esteem come from? Does it ultimately originate from our soul, from our ego, or our humanness?
If we can examine, and find the answers to these types of questions, perhaps along the way, we will really also see how important it is to possess, and to operate from a good overall level of self esteem.
Self esteem is important to us as human beings. It effects our daily lives in many different ways. Self esteem can be the determining factor in the outcomes of or work performances, relationships, and sports.
Self esteem is our sense of self worth. It is how we feel about ourselves in relation to the world our around us. Low self esteem is caused by numerous factors which can include abuse, failure, drugs, alcohol, or loneliness.
Someone told me that the most hated object in the American home today, is a mirror, and while the mirror is undoubtedly unwanted it is ironically irresistible. Mirrors are everywhere, constantly reminding us of who we are, and for the majority of people, constantly reminding them that, what we see is not enough.
Look at yourself in the mirror. Take a good, long look. Do you like what you see?
If you don’t you might have low self esteem. That’s not a good thing.
But if you do – if you really do, to the point that you love yourself more than you love anybody else, then you have high self esteem. And that’s not good either.
Self esteem is a delicate matter. People lacking it also lack contentment with their lives.
Nothing they do will make themselves happy. Every act, from choosing a partner to deciding what they should have for dinner, runs through a filter of doubt. They don’t think their decisions are right, and consequently may second guess themselves – or make no decision at all. Such self doubt can lead to depression, shyness, anger, self-hatred, bodily illness and substance abuse in some cases.
People with an overabundance of self esteem are insufferable. Their egos make them feel infallible, leading to hasty decisions based on the assumption that they can do no wrong. Their social skills suffer, as they can talk about themselves without showing interest in others. They may miss out on a lot in life as they ignore the outside world.
There are a number of things that effect self-esteem the least of which are the words we use to ourselves and others. Words have an amazing or devastating effect on self-esteem whether intentional or unintentional.
The words we hear affect the way we perceive ourselves whether we realize it or not. Those in abusive relationships will usually have lower self esteem than those that are in non-abusive relationships because of the words that used daily in the relationship. The difference in these relationships is that in one you are being told negative things about yourself in an attempt to gain control over you and in the other you’re given encouragement.
Whether we feel good about ourselves or not is largely dependant upon the perception that others have about us. We tell ourselves that it doesn’t matter what others say about us; words can’t hurt us. That’s not true, words can hurt and are sometimes used with the intention to hurt. Little by little our self-esteem is either boosted or dwindles away because of the words of others.
When we attempt to achieve things in our lives we have a tendency to feel reassured when the things being said are positive. When we hear positive things we gain confidence in our abilities but when we hear negative things we begin to doubt the abilities we know we have. Over time we begin to believe that there isn’t a need to try since we begin to think we can’t do anything productive anyway.
The affect of words on our self-esteem are more powerful than we realize. What we say to our children can effect them for the rest of their lives; while it’s not a requirement that we baby them all of thier lives we do need to choose our words carefully to avoid permanent damage. The words we say don’t matter near as much as the tone we use.
Positive words have a positive effect on self-esteem just as negative words have a negative impact on self-esteem. It’s easy to tell someone to ignore what’s being said about them but actually doing it can be rather difficult. The words we use can be encouraging or painful; either way they have an impact on self-esteem of those they touch
Self Esteem is a quality of your personality type, and every personality type has self esteem, or self confidence linked to it. But we know that there are different personality types, and there are actually differing amounts of self esteem that can interact, and match with your personality. Personality is based on a link between your soul, and your ego, and it arises from your heart, if you have good healthy self esteem.
This is because self esteem, comes basically from your heart, and so is the God given ability, you have in the first instance to love yourself. All people have this capability in them, but parts of your personality can dampen your self esteem. And then, so can your life experiences, which can color your beliefs, thoughts, and your mood. The subconscious then holds these thoughts, and beliefs, and if left unexamined, these will also tend to weaken your resolve in life, and so also your self esteem.
These thoughts, that are continually coming forward, usually negatively, telling you what you can do, and what you cannot do, they will then either blast, or support your self esteem. When you learn to ignore negative thoughts and beliefs, and follow what the Bible says about you, That you are wonderfully made, and the feeling that that places on your heart, and mix your self sense with God’s purpose for you, with a real love from God, and from your own heart, then self esteem levels can grow, as you allow them to shine, with the love, that really, all self esteem only is. Just be careful to remain humble in the growth process.
It is the God given ability to love, and be loved, and from there to be positively happy with your life, and to see positiveness, coming out from every life experience, and every part of your life, as self enhancing, and therefore only ever helping you to build, an ever growing level of self esteem for yourself.
I came across this quote:
“Self esteem doesn’t come to you…you go to it.”
And I think that this sentiment is pretty correct
It means, that you cannot really expect to find self esteem by looking for it, and it will not come to you, if you are looking for it. And this is simply because, as you look for it, you actually tend to push it away. You already have self esteem. You only need to go to the source in your heart, and so learn how to live from it. Self is the real you, and when you esteem, or love yourself, then and only then, will you also find, that you now possess a healthy self esteem, based on love, and really displaying, who you really are.
A person with built in self esteem, which can be lived through your heart, by following the love in your heart. And when you do this, you will experience your own self esteem. And then you will realize the importance of self esteem, and the importance also, to be you.
Self-esteem is how we see ourselves whether our visions of ourselves are good or bad. We can have high self-esteem, low self-esteem or somewhere in between.
When we have low self-esteem we do not have confidence in our ability to meet the challenges we face or the desire to undertake something that might appear difficult. Instead, we are fearful and not willing to take the risks and steps necessary even if we very much want to
Each time we take on a challenge and meet it, we add to our sense of worth or self-esteem. We gain confidence and are ready to take on the next challenge. Over time this adds up to a stronger self-image and we begin to believe we are worthy of happiness in life. That’s a very good place to be.
The key is maintaining good self esteem – not bad, not great, but good –
Most importantly, have fun. Relax. Make friends, attend social events, find new hobbies and learn as much as you can about the world. Never forget that there’s always more to discover.
Good self esteem makes for well-rounded individuals. Healthy relationships develop easily and friends come with little effort. It’s easier to focus on the things that are required of each day.
Of paramount importance, however, is the emphasis on positive thinking. People with good self esteem can deal with their mistakes. They’ll improve on what they did wrong or simply move on, rather than defer blame or accept it to the point of self hatred.
We’re only human. We can err from time to time. It’s important we handle our mistakes properly if we’re to enjoy long, happy, healthy lives.
Hope in the Shadows by Michael Clark